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Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
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Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
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About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
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I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
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There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
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I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
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Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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In the begining there was nothing and God said \'Let there be light\', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
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We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
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Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
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I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
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If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
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There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don\'t work, those that break down and those that get lost.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
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Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
The years of peak mental activity are undoubtedly between the ages of four and eighteen. At four we know all the questions, at eighteen all the answers.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
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Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
The use of anthropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
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Why don\'t you write books people can read?
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
The truth is more important than the facts.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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